dating compassion lgbtq kindness marriage sex: Magic: It’s Friday night and I am dressed to the nines. I have the most elegant dress on and prepared to go to a Friday night date with my sweet husband. He dressed in a suit. He hasn’t worn a suit in a long time. Gosh it’s nice to see him all dressed up in a suit. May-19-2020

Magic

It’s Friday night and I am dressed to the nines. I have the most elegant dress on and prepared to go to a Friday night date with my sweet husband. He dressed in a suit. He hasn’t worn a suit in a long time. Gosh it’s nice to see him all dressed up in a suit.

We walked in to the Wedgewood on the hill. The view spectacular. It is the wedding venue that I would love to see my children married at.

I am mesmerized. It is beautiful. I am embarrassed to admit this was my first ever same-sex wedding. Surrounded by the warmest crowd I have ever been with, I walk out side to look at this amazing view. There is sweet silence between my lovely partner and myself. It is one of the many moments that I realize just how much I love him. We don’t need words in that moment to tell each other that we love each other. He holds my hand and we stand and look lovingly into each others eyes— and we say it anyway. We tell each other that we love each other. We hug and we smile at one another. There is an increased warmth, I can’t really explain it. It is just wonderful.

We make our way to our seats and we sit down. I sit next to a lovely gentleman holding his husband’s hand. I recognize him. I stumble with my words (What’s wrong we me? I talk for a living!) I say, “I know you, you’re the one with the cool shoes?” He nods, and he introduces me to his lovely husband. We joke about my wrap and how warm it looks. It is windy outside. He is wearing a gorgeous suit and the most beautiful scarf. We joke that he can share my wrap.

When the ceremony begins, the music is beautiful and loving, not your usual wedding march. I don’t recognize the music— it’s inviting and stirring. I ask if anyone brought tissue. As the Grooms walk down the aisle, I cry. I just can’t help it. Both my handsome friend and his husband and myself sniffle all through the ceremony. I listen carefully trying to remember their vows and the ceremony. I remember this: they commit to support and care for each other. They vow to be curious and kind.

They share what made them fall in love. Here is where there are lessons to be learned. They fell in love with each other because they were generous and warm. They were funny, and they made each other laugh. They fell in love with each other because they each felt that the other made them want to be a better person.

They hug their moms and their dads. You could see in action what they just professed. It was not mere words, there was action with their words. There was warmth and love and kindness at this wedding. There was laughter and joy. A celebration of two kind, gentle people vowing to share their lives and to make this world a little bit more loving and and kind. In today’s society where beauty and money dictate love and acceptance, this was the opposite— not that they were not handsome; more importantly they were kind. In a group of people who are so often ostracized, I found gentleness and acceptance as a straight, married, older woman.

Their wedding was fun and magical. What can we learn form these wonderful humans? Be kind. Look for the best in each other. Be the kind of partner you want your partner to be. Look for ways to show appreciation each day. And in the words of one of my beloved professors, “Gentleness will buy you a lot!”



marriage counseling and sex therapy will improve your relationship

Chris Wilhoite MA, CST, C-PST Marriage, Relationship, and Certified Sex Therapist

Founder of Littleton Couple’s Counseling. Chris enjoys being in nature, hiking, paddle boarding, and cooking.

https://creativecontinuum.biz


Questions Answered At a Glance

Discover what makes therapy work

What makes sex therapy different from “normal” therapy?

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses specifically on communication, relationships, intimacy, and sex. We often discuss low libido, desire discrepancy, painful intercourse, non-traditional relationships, orgasm difficulties, and sexual preferences.

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that helps people deal with sexual problems and improve their sexual health and well-being. It’s important because we’re all sexual beings, and our mental health can affect our sexual desire and pleasure. Sex therapy can help people talk about uncomfortable things about sex, intimacy, and communication, but it’s important to remember that many sexual health problems could be solved if people talked openly about sex and their experiences.

Are you comfortable talking about ethical non-monagomy (ENM)?

Yes. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a relationship style that focuses on honesty, openness, and mutual agreement when it comes to having multiple romantic or sexual partners. Whether you’re just starting to think about this idea or have been curious for a while, ethical non-monogamy can be a really liberating way to love and connect. But it’s important to know that this lifestyle might not be right for everyone. That’s totally okay. The real question is, does ENM fit with your values and emotional needs?

Can you help with struggles with sex and religion?

You might be confused about why feelings about sex are so tough when you believe “God made us as we are.” This struggle and doubt can make you feel even more ashamed and alone from your partner. You might even wonder if you’re going through religious sexual trauma, even though you were never physically abused in the church. This unwanted religious sexual dysfunction can strain your intimate relationships, and it might make the pain, guilt, and shame you’ve been carrying since you were a kid even worse. We can help.

Are our sexual wants normal?

It can be tough to figure out what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, because everyone’s different. Instead of trying to fit in with what others think is “normal,” it’s more important to listen to your own body and mind. Think about what makes you feel good and what you’ve been wanting lately. Comparing yourself to others or to porn can make you feel bad about yourself, but if you’re struggling with your sexual identity, know that you’re not alone.

My partner and I have mismatched desire. Are we normal?

A common concern is the struggle with low libido or decreased arousal. Many people experience fluctuations in their sexual desire—often due to medical conditions, stress, or other underlying factors. If your current arousal levels differ significantly from the past or from your partner, discussing it with one of our certified psychosexual therapists can help alleviate anxiety and provide guidance on how to address the issue.

How do I know when it’s time to talk to someone about my sexual issues?

If you’ve been looking for info about sex therapy and common sexual concerns, you’ve already taken a huge step towards acknowledging your worries. If your concerns keep you up a night, talking to a sex therapist could give you some clarity and help you find solutions.