ADHD marriage why-cant-they kindness emotions growth risk: Adult ADHD and marriage: It seemed too good to be true. Your partner was devoted, romantic, kind, thoughtful, and adventurous. They were <i>the</i> person that you had dreamed of falling in love with and were so different from your own family. It was so much fun. Mar-09-2021

Adult ADHD and marriage

It seemed too good to be true. Your partner was devoted, romantic, kind, thoughtful, and adventurous. They were the person that you had dreamed of falling in love with and were so different from your own family. It was so much fun.

Now, married with kids, it seems to have all changed. With kids added to the mix, structure became important where fun was prioritized in the past. It feels as though you have fallen out of love. When you ask your partner, they profess their love and continue to hurt your feelings. Frustration and anger grows and before long you are having regular arguments that seem to go no where leaving you feeling more alone and hurt. “Why can’t they see how they keep hurting me?”

What if it isn’t your relationship? Rather an undiagnosed case of adult ADHD.

Do you notice that your partner is distracted, has difficulty initiating or completing task, is often late or has difficulty anticipating how long a project will take, gets lost in the project, forgets conversations, tasks or partner’s priorities, or acts without thinking about potential consequences. If some of these symptoms sound familiar in your relationship, then one of you might have undiagnosed adult ADHD.

 

Redeveloping the Spark

The effect of adult ADHD on marriage— in particular, undiagnosed adult ADHD— can have deeply emotional effects on the relationship. If this sounds like you, there is hope. Melissa Orlov describes three key elements to healing your relationship.

  • Acknowledge that adult ADHD is impacting the relationship: this means that both partners take responsibility for their behavior patterns in the adult ADHD dance. It involves becoming more aware of the impact that each of the partners behaviors have on the relationship.
  • Changing the steps to your dance. This involves changing your individual and couple behaviors.
  • Return of the Romance: This involves the return of trust and taking emotional risks after sustainable behavior changes have occurred.

If this sounds like you, there is hope and help. Changing how you look at the symptoms and putting new systems into place may be just the thing that helps restore your relationship.



marriage counseling and sex therapy will improve your relationship

Chris Wilhoite MA, CST, C-PST Marriage, Relationship, and Certified Sex Therapist

Founder of Littleton Couple’s Counseling. Chris enjoys being in nature, hiking, paddle boarding, and cooking.

https://creativecontinuum.biz


Questions Answered At a Glance

Discover what makes therapy work

What makes sex therapy different from “normal” therapy?

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses specifically on communication, relationships, intimacy, and sex. We often discuss low libido, desire discrepancy, painful intercourse, non-traditional relationships, orgasm difficulties, and sexual preferences.

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that helps people deal with sexual problems and improve their sexual health and well-being. It’s important because we’re all sexual beings, and our mental health can affect our sexual desire and pleasure. Sex therapy can help people talk about uncomfortable things about sex, intimacy, and communication, but it’s important to remember that many sexual health problems could be solved if people talked openly about sex and their experiences.

Are you comfortable talking about ethical non-monagomy (ENM)?

Yes. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a relationship style that focuses on honesty, openness, and mutual agreement when it comes to having multiple romantic or sexual partners. Whether you’re just starting to think about this idea or have been curious for a while, ethical non-monogamy can be a really liberating way to love and connect. But it’s important to know that this lifestyle might not be right for everyone. That’s totally okay. The real question is, does ENM fit with your values and emotional needs?

Can you help with struggles with sex and religion?

You might be confused about why feelings about sex are so tough when you believe “God made us as we are.” This struggle and doubt can make you feel even more ashamed and alone from your partner. You might even wonder if you’re going through religious sexual trauma, even though you were never physically abused in the church. This unwanted religious sexual dysfunction can strain your intimate relationships, and it might make the pain, guilt, and shame you’ve been carrying since you were a kid even worse. We can help.

Are our sexual wants normal?

It can be tough to figure out what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, because everyone’s different. Instead of trying to fit in with what others think is “normal,” it’s more important to listen to your own body and mind. Think about what makes you feel good and what you’ve been wanting lately. Comparing yourself to others or to porn can make you feel bad about yourself, but if you’re struggling with your sexual identity, know that you’re not alone.

My partner and I have mismatched desire. Are we normal?

A common concern is the struggle with low libido or decreased arousal. Many people experience fluctuations in their sexual desire—often due to medical conditions, stress, or other underlying factors. If your current arousal levels differ significantly from the past or from your partner, discussing it with one of our certified psychosexual therapists can help alleviate anxiety and provide guidance on how to address the issue.

How do I know when it’s time to talk to someone about my sexual issues?

If you’ve been looking for info about sex therapy and common sexual concerns, you’ve already taken a huge step towards acknowledging your worries. If your concerns keep you up a night, talking to a sex therapist could give you some clarity and help you find solutions.