Debunking Adult Autism Stereotypes & Misconceptions

There is one statement I’ve heard throughout my academic studies of adult autism that stands above all the rest: “If you’ve met one person with adult autism, you’ve met one person with adult autism.” Folks who know more than I do call it autism spectrum disorder for a reason. No two people with adult autism present with the same expression, nor does the disorder impair or enhance two people the same way.

One of the more unfortunate beliefs about adult autism is that we autistic folks are all nonverbal, antisocial, and reclusive. The stereotypical belief is that having adult autism precludes someone from being vivacious and loquacious; soft, caring, and loving; the center of attention; the life of the party; or the person at the front of the room giving a lecture.

In the original 1944 publication on the syndrome that was to bear his name, Asperger introduced the representative cases with a series of reflections on the proper methodology of classifying and diagnosing psychiatric disorders. Asperger grappled with issues that are still very much with us: issues of labelling, description, and stereotyping.

I’m the autistic kid. When I look at the adult autism stereotypes, I can bust the myths if they don’t fit me. For the stereotype to be a true and factual representation of the entire group, then it must apply to me as well. Please don’t take my word for it: see how many stereotypes you can personally bust by determining where you do (or don’t) fit with them!

1. People with adult autism don’t want friends in their lives

Fact: I don’t want or need lots of people in my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t need or want a few close friends. For me and many people with adult autism, quality is more important the quantity. I don’t want to be the crazy cat man of Littleton— I only want a cat or two to share my journey through life.

2. Individuals with Adult Autism Can’t Have Relationships

This one is blatantly untrue. I long for the closeness I have with my best friend... who also happens to be my wife.

Folks with adult autism often have difficulties interpreting social cues. Yet the Australian TV show Love on the Spectrum depicts many folks, some with more severe adult autism, wanting relationships. My wife tells me her relationship with an autistic guy is different, yet satisfying.

3. Folks with adult autism are unintelligent or intellectually disabled

People with adult autism think differently than people without adult autism. Similarly to the difficulties encountered when trying to explain something to a person who speaks a different language, sometimes we can’t understand the way a neurotypical person presents a concept. This doesn’t make us stupid; it shows we are different.

I’ve watched people get louder as they get frustrated when trying to express or teach a thought— I do this. I’ve also seen this happen between non-technical folks and people in IT. It’s not exclusive to adult autism, and it leads us to our next stereotype.

4. Folks with adult autism can’t communicate

I’m going to bust this one with another n=1 example. I have written or co-authorded 19 books, edited and published hundreds of books, presented hundreds of lectures and taught hundreds of classes and on various subjects at regional, national, and international events. I’m highly expressive... and yet I often find myself unable to express what I want for dinner or need at any given moment.

I can find myself lost in translation between how I think and how other people understand. I can’t find the words I want and need to share the inner workings of my world. I get frustrated, and just like everyone else, will occasionally act out.

That leads us to...

5. People with adult autism can’t feel or express any emotion

My adult autism causes me to experience the world— and my place in it— differently than people without adult autism experience their world. This difference extends to how I feel and express what goes on inside of me.

Folks with adult autism do feel emotions. I’d say most of us feel them quite passionately. We all feel them differently... and just like trying to share the nuanced intentions between languages, we may lack the words and tools to express them in ways the neurotypical world is ready to hear. Sometimes I feel lonely when my expression of what’s going on inside of me isn’t effectively communicated or received.

And, this leads us to our next stereotype...

6. Individuals with adult autism are aggressive

Let’s play pretend for a moment. You are trapped in a world where you have extremely minimal opportunities to communicate or interact with others. Everyone thinks you are stupid. Everyone looks down on you as a liability on the family and society. No one wants to take the time and create a paradigm to explore your wants or needs.

Just writing that paragraph made me feel frustration and anger. “Who made you normal?” “Why am I not important?” “Why doesn’t anyone want to be my friend?”

Couple these feelings with an inability to communicate, mix in this being the norm for someone’s entire life, and you have a recipe for acting out.

7. Individuals with adult Autism Become Obsessed About Certain Things

Perhaps this one is mostly true.

I enjoy reading XKCD. It’s a web comic written by a guy who has a degree in physics and who works on robots for NASA. Needless to say, the humor isn’t for everyone. My wife doesn’t understand XKCD, even after reading the hover-text. She enjoys watching my eyes light up and sparkle. That’s where more neurotypical people can fall in love with the autistic persons in your life. You finding joy in our finding joy from something that sparks our flame.

I know people without adult autism truly strive to make inroads into our lives with adult autism. It must be exhausting: you watch us, and listen to us, working to discover what we are passionate about— I’m willing to bet that you won’t care about it, and that’s ok— and use that as a starting point of commonality to build a bridge between the autistic and neurotypical worlds.

Please remember that folks with adult autism often respond to sensory sensitivities— loud noises, temperatures, physical contact, clothing labels— differently than other people. You can begin to insert yourself in their world by taking an extreme example of what happens in yours: if someone with adult autism is sensitive to noise that you rate a 3, mentally turn up the volume to 23 and imagine how you would respond. Apply this method to all their sensitivities to build empathy and compassion.

There are so many other stereotypes out there, and I promise to revisit the topic in the future.