ADHD growth mindset self-improvement self-reflection vlogs: Envision Your Future: This past week I asked someone, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Their reply “I’m 26 and already grown up!” Not trying to be a smart ass, I retorted, “I’m twice your age and I still haven’t decided!” A moment of self-disclosure: on a professional level, I’m on my fourth career. Mar-20-2023

Envision Your Future

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This past week I asked someone, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Their reply “I’m 26 and already grown up!” Not trying to be a smart ass, I retorted, “I’m twice your age and I still haven’t decided!”

A moment of self-disclosure: on a professional level, I’m on my fourth career.

Regardless of your age or perceived stage of life, it’s always healthy to evaluate your dreams and envision your future. It can be a bit more daunting for people with ADHD: so often we have lived in fear of being our genuine selves because we just didn’t fit in. We don’t want to fail because we’ve been told we will.

Somehow, we always seem to live up to the expectations of those we trust when when we don’t complete tasks, blurt out at school, or make snide comments in structured settings like work meetings. Having an expectation of failure constantly hanging over your head sucks. Get enough of it from people you trust, and you start to believe that you will never be more than a fuck-up.

Perhaps we live in safety by never taking unnecessary chances or venturing out into the light.

#adhdtips

Dreaming is good. Playing “what if” engages different areas of the brain and produces different levels of neurochemicals... you might even be able to feel it in real time! These brain hormones can help you feel more capable and give you a reason to move beyond your current world that could be overly determined by your ADHD. Take a moment and review all the dreams and goals you had in your younger days.

As you dream, take stock of your past desires and consider what these old dreams mean to you now. Are they “secret desires” that never came true? Perhaps, like bell bottoms from the ’70s, some dreams are meant to be retired. Others can be modified to achieve your present reality. Some dreams only ever existed in the realm of fantasy, and that’s ok too.

Pay attention to your secret desires and modifiable aspirations. Like old, cherished clothes from a box in the attic, some dreams need to be pulled out, tried on, and altered to fit the current you.

Many people with ADHD tell me they’ve heard a common litany of unhealthy descriptors: lazy, stupid, tardy, just need to try harder, unsuccessful, undisciplined, a disappointment, a failure. Revisiting old dreams may help you revisit a time in your life when you didn’t feel or believe these statements like you might today. Grasp ahold of this innocence from a younger you for additional strength to grow.

Who knows, maybe it’s time to pull an old dream out and rock it like a classic coat from the ’40s!



marriage counseling and sex therapy will improve your relationship

Tommy Underhill TTCD, ASDCS, ASDI Sex, Adult ADHD & Adult Autism

Tommy specializes in working with adults with ADHD and autism through a neurophysiological lens for social, relational, and sex issues. He oversees the long-term and strategic management for Littleton Couple’s Counseling. His entrepreneurship and small business management and operations span more than 30 years. Tommy is the Editor-in-Chief of the International Journal of Psychosexual Therapy. In his spare time, he runs a halfway house for wayward and abused orchids.

https://creativecontinuum.biz


Questions Answered At a Glance

Discover what makes therapy work

What makes sex therapy different from “normal” therapy?

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses specifically on communication, relationships, intimacy, and sex. We often discuss low libido, desire discrepancy, painful intercourse, non-traditional relationships, orgasm difficulties, and sexual preferences.

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that helps people deal with sexual problems and improve their sexual health and well-being. It’s important because we’re all sexual beings, and our mental health can affect our sexual desire and pleasure. Sex therapy can help people talk about uncomfortable things about sex, intimacy, and communication, but it’s important to remember that many sexual health problems could be solved if people talked openly about sex and their experiences.

Are you comfortable talking about ethical non-monagomy (ENM)?

Yes. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a relationship style that focuses on honesty, openness, and mutual agreement when it comes to having multiple romantic or sexual partners. Whether you’re just starting to think about this idea or have been curious for a while, ethical non-monogamy can be a really liberating way to love and connect. But it’s important to know that this lifestyle might not be right for everyone. That’s totally okay. The real question is, does ENM fit with your values and emotional needs?

Can you help with struggles with sex and religion?

You might be confused about why feelings about sex are so tough when you believe “God made us as we are.” This struggle and doubt can make you feel even more ashamed and alone from your partner. You might even wonder if you’re going through religious sexual trauma, even though you were never physically abused in the church. This unwanted religious sexual dysfunction can strain your intimate relationships, and it might make the pain, guilt, and shame you’ve been carrying since you were a kid even worse. We can help.

Are our sexual wants normal?

It can be tough to figure out what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, because everyone’s different. Instead of trying to fit in with what others think is “normal,” it’s more important to listen to your own body and mind. Think about what makes you feel good and what you’ve been wanting lately. Comparing yourself to others or to porn can make you feel bad about yourself, but if you’re struggling with your sexual identity, know that you’re not alone.

My partner and I have mismatched desire. Are we normal?

A common concern is the struggle with low libido or decreased arousal. Many people experience fluctuations in their sexual desire—often due to medical conditions, stress, or other underlying factors. If your current arousal levels differ significantly from the past or from your partner, discussing it with one of our certified psychosexual therapists can help alleviate anxiety and provide guidance on how to address the issue.

How do I know when it’s time to talk to someone about my sexual issues?

If you’ve been looking for info about sex therapy and common sexual concerns, you’ve already taken a huge step towards acknowledging your worries. If your concerns keep you up a night, talking to a sex therapist could give you some clarity and help you find solutions.