Sex & Autism 13: When I forget, it’s not a personal disrespect

ADHD and autism often travel hand-in-hand. I have both. Many of my clients have both. Today, let’s branch out from pure autism into the real world.

One of the more-impactful symptoms of ADHD is struggles with short-term and working memory. You’ll tell me something simple, maybe asking me to take my laundry out of the dryer. You’ve probably seen it many times, by the time we finish the conversation, I’ve already forgotten everything I agreed to.

I can also have big challenges with multi-step directions, even simple ones. I’m reminded of the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where they bring forth the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Reading from the Book of Armaments: “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”

To which King Arthur takes the Grenade and says, “Right! One!... Two!... Five!”

It’s funny when presented by Monty Python. As part of the ADHD tribe, we often feel like we just can’t get it… no matter how hard we try… and we don’t know why!

False assumptions about folks with ADHD

They say people with ADHD are lazy and just need to try harder. In truth, the ADHD tribe is more often less lazy and we work harder to just to maintain normal achievements.

As such, most of us have some pretty deep self esteem issues. By age of 10, we’ve heard upwards of 20,000 criticisms at school alone! This can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and of being less worthy of admiration. We are often socially isolated and maintaining relationships can be difficult.

I have a book of tools that can help people with ADHD. We usually use instant replay to strengthen awareness of the present and recent past. I might ask you, “Take me through all the steps you took to get to my office.” Might sound silly, this exercise actually can improve working memory.

#adhdtips

Let’s use a derivative of the Instant replay tool that could be helpful when we need to remember tasks we agree to. Let’s call it an agreement enhancement.

With the agreement enhancement, I want to visualize all the steps I will take to accomplish the agreed-upon task. In the case of laundry in the dryer, I will walk to the laundry room, open the dryer, pull my clothes out and into the basket, walk to my room, fold each piece of clothing, and then put them away into the dresser.

By visualizing the process needed to complete the task, we have a better opportunity to complete them all as rehearsed. Instead of having to deconstruct “laundry out of dryer” into all of its overwhelming component steps as we need to do them, our brain is prepared for the task. Your mental rehearsal is your road map. Give it a try.