sex_ADHD sex empathy intimacy ADHD vlogs: ADHD & Sex #2: distractions: A lack of focus is an external expression of an internal experience. Distractions are due to an external stimulus. In many ways, distractions can be just as difficult to manage; in other ways, they may be more straightforward. Aug-19-2023

ADHD & Sex #2: distractions

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A lack of focus is an external expression of an internal experience. Distractions are due to an external stimulus. In many ways, distractions can be just as difficult to manage; in other ways, they may be more straightforward.

Horses can easily be distracted. That’s why the teamsters of yore used blinders to keep the horse’s focus straight ahead. A note to the non-ADHD partner: we won’t be using actual equine blinders for this exercise, only metaphorical ones… mostly.

Just like a wandering mind, distractions during sex can also be disruptive and look like you’re not interested in what you’re doing with your partner. Unlike a wandering mind, external distractions are best solved by removing or limiting the distraction.

Ticking clock grab your attention? Stop the pendulum, take out the batteries, or remove it from the room.

Birds singing outside the window? Close the window and turn on some white noise on your speakers.

Too much going on with a messy room? Turn off the lights. Trying to enjoy sex during the middle of the day? Try wearing a mask.

Sheets feel annoying? Try increasing the stimulation in and around sex. Ropes. Floggers. Clips. Warming oil. Other toys. I’m sure you have an imagination. Try something new that can increase the intensity of the sexual experience with your partner.

Don’t let distractions distract you from connecting intimacy and great sex. There are a plethora of ways to regain your connection to the here and now. The best ways are the ones that work for both of you.



marriage counseling and sex therapy will improve your relationship

Tommy Underhill TTCD, ASDCS, ASDI Sex, Adult ADHD & Adult Autism

Tommy specializes in working with adults with ADHD and autism through a neurophysiological lens for social, relational, and sex issues. He oversees the long-term and strategic management for Littleton Couple’s Counseling. His entrepreneurship and small business management and operations span more than 30 years. Tommy is the Editor-in-Chief of the International Journal of Psychosexual Therapy. In his spare time, he runs a halfway house for wayward and abused orchids.

https://creativecontinuum.biz


Questions Answered At a Glance

Discover what makes therapy work

What makes sex therapy different from “normal” therapy?

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses specifically on communication, relationships, intimacy, and sex. We often discuss low libido, desire discrepancy, painful intercourse, non-traditional relationships, orgasm difficulties, and sexual preferences.

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that helps people deal with sexual problems and improve their sexual health and well-being. It’s important because we’re all sexual beings, and our mental health can affect our sexual desire and pleasure. Sex therapy can help people talk about uncomfortable things about sex, intimacy, and communication, but it’s important to remember that many sexual health problems could be solved if people talked openly about sex and their experiences.

Are you comfortable talking about ethical non-monagomy (ENM)?

Yes. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a relationship style that focuses on honesty, openness, and mutual agreement when it comes to having multiple romantic or sexual partners. Whether you’re just starting to think about this idea or have been curious for a while, ethical non-monogamy can be a really liberating way to love and connect. But it’s important to know that this lifestyle might not be right for everyone. That’s totally okay. The real question is, does ENM fit with your values and emotional needs?

Can you help with struggles with sex and religion?

You might be confused about why feelings about sex are so tough when you believe “God made us as we are.” This struggle and doubt can make you feel even more ashamed and alone from your partner. You might even wonder if you’re going through religious sexual trauma, even though you were never physically abused in the church. This unwanted religious sexual dysfunction can strain your intimate relationships, and it might make the pain, guilt, and shame you’ve been carrying since you were a kid even worse. We can help.

Are our sexual wants normal?

It can be tough to figure out what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, because everyone’s different. Instead of trying to fit in with what others think is “normal,” it’s more important to listen to your own body and mind. Think about what makes you feel good and what you’ve been wanting lately. Comparing yourself to others or to porn can make you feel bad about yourself, but if you’re struggling with your sexual identity, know that you’re not alone.

My partner and I have mismatched desire. Are we normal?

A common concern is the struggle with low libido or decreased arousal. Many people experience fluctuations in their sexual desire—often due to medical conditions, stress, or other underlying factors. If your current arousal levels differ significantly from the past or from your partner, discussing it with one of our certified psychosexual therapists can help alleviate anxiety and provide guidance on how to address the issue.

How do I know when it’s time to talk to someone about my sexual issues?

If you’ve been looking for info about sex therapy and common sexual concerns, you’ve already taken a huge step towards acknowledging your worries. If your concerns keep you up a night, talking to a sex therapist could give you some clarity and help you find solutions.