ADHD mindset change emotions self-improvement vlogs: The Murder of Motivation: For people with ADHD, there are three relatively common experiences that can get in the way of getting motivated to do boring things. May-08-2023

The Murder of Motivation

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For people with ADHD, there are three relatively common experiences that can get in the way of getting motivated to do boring things.

Strike one: we have difficulty estimating how long a task will take, and therefore are negatively penalized when we don’t finish on time.

Strike two: because our perception of time is split between “now” and “not now”, the idea of delayed gratification is foreign to most us.

Strike three: ADHD craves dopamine line a zombie craves brains. Our search for fun is usually the top priority.

How It Works

Time for some simplified anatomy and physiology.

Deep in our brain are two structures called the striatum and the nucleus accumbens. Both are components of the dopamine reward system. The striatum is important because research has shown that it is a primary area that learns to predict when rewards may be forthcoming.

In our neurotypical friends’ brains, their striatum learn patterns around task and rewards. For example, when a reward follows X, Y, and Q, it can predict the reward and release dopamine when it experiences the pattern in the future. Functional MRI scans have shown the striatum activate in these cases. For folks with ADHD, our striatum don’t activate until after we get the reward.

This difference in striatum activation ties into what I refer to as completing the dopamine cycle.

An ADHD brain experiences a chronic deficiency in dopamine. We jump at every opportunity to get more. When we have a task to do, if it doesn’t immediately drop dopamine into our brains, it’s not important to us. Any task that stimulates dopamine release is more important. That could be Netflix, taking the dog for a walk, a bit more screen time, or eating something sweet.

Our striatum will not fire until we receive the reward or experience fun. Functionally, there is no such thing as delayed gratification to the ADHD brain.

#adhdtips

Luckily, the striatum can be retrained. Here’s where the completion of the dopamine cycle comes in: if we can find a way to increase the excitement of important yet boring or undesirable tasks, our brains will eventually correlate them positively with reward.

How can we do this? The process is simple. Teach the striatum that a reward is part of and follows unimportant tasks. In practice, it kinda works like dog training. When starting striatum training, reward the brain as a task begins, while it is in process, and when it’s complete. Small reward. Small reward. More substantial reward.

Eventually, like our dog being told “sit”, we associate reward with boring and unimportant tasks. I have no pretenses that we might do an unimportant task just for the fun of it. This tool is to help us reliably complete tasks that just have to be done.



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Tommy Underhill TTCD, ASDCS, ASDI Sex, Adult ADHD & Adult Autism

Tommy specializes in working with adults with ADHD and autism through a neurophysiological lens for social, relational, and sex issues. He oversees the long-term and strategic management for Littleton Couple’s Counseling. His entrepreneurship and small business management and operations span more than 30 years. Tommy is the Editor-in-Chief of the International Journal of Psychosexual Therapy. In his spare time, he runs a halfway house for wayward and abused orchids.

https://creativecontinuum.biz


Questions Answered At a Glance

Discover what makes therapy work

What makes sex therapy different from “normal” therapy?

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses specifically on communication, relationships, intimacy, and sex. We often discuss low libido, desire discrepancy, painful intercourse, non-traditional relationships, orgasm difficulties, and sexual preferences.

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that helps people deal with sexual problems and improve their sexual health and well-being. It’s important because we’re all sexual beings, and our mental health can affect our sexual desire and pleasure. Sex therapy can help people talk about uncomfortable things about sex, intimacy, and communication, but it’s important to remember that many sexual health problems could be solved if people talked openly about sex and their experiences.

Are you comfortable talking about ethical non-monagomy (ENM)?

Yes. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a relationship style that focuses on honesty, openness, and mutual agreement when it comes to having multiple romantic or sexual partners. Whether you’re just starting to think about this idea or have been curious for a while, ethical non-monogamy can be a really liberating way to love and connect. But it’s important to know that this lifestyle might not be right for everyone. That’s totally okay. The real question is, does ENM fit with your values and emotional needs?

Can you help with struggles with sex and religion?

You might be confused about why feelings about sex are so tough when you believe “God made us as we are.” This struggle and doubt can make you feel even more ashamed and alone from your partner. You might even wonder if you’re going through religious sexual trauma, even though you were never physically abused in the church. This unwanted religious sexual dysfunction can strain your intimate relationships, and it might make the pain, guilt, and shame you’ve been carrying since you were a kid even worse. We can help.

Are our sexual wants normal?

It can be tough to figure out what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, because everyone’s different. Instead of trying to fit in with what others think is “normal,” it’s more important to listen to your own body and mind. Think about what makes you feel good and what you’ve been wanting lately. Comparing yourself to others or to porn can make you feel bad about yourself, but if you’re struggling with your sexual identity, know that you’re not alone.

My partner and I have mismatched desire. Are we normal?

A common concern is the struggle with low libido or decreased arousal. Many people experience fluctuations in their sexual desire—often due to medical conditions, stress, or other underlying factors. If your current arousal levels differ significantly from the past or from your partner, discussing it with one of our certified psychosexual therapists can help alleviate anxiety and provide guidance on how to address the issue.

How do I know when it’s time to talk to someone about my sexual issues?

If you’ve been looking for info about sex therapy and common sexual concerns, you’ve already taken a huge step towards acknowledging your worries. If your concerns keep you up a night, talking to a sex therapist could give you some clarity and help you find solutions.