sex_ADHD sex empathy communication intimacy ADHD vlogs: ADHD & Sex #3: emotions: Mood swings, frustration, and anger are common with ADHD. Just as common are times of spontaneous fun and happiness. Sudden changes in the ADHD partner’s mood or temperament can cause the non-ADHD partner to feel like they’ve done something wrong or feel unsure in the moment. Aug-26-2023

ADHD & Sex #3: emotions

Subscribe to our YouTube channel

 

Mood swings, frustration, and anger are common with ADHD. Just as common are times of spontaneous fun and happiness. Sudden changes in the ADHD partner’s mood or temperament can cause the non-ADHD partner to feel like they’ve done something wrong or feel unsure in the moment. The non-ADHD partner may feel doubt in the stability of the relationship. This can happen regardless of the ADHD partner’s intent.

Anger can distance your partner and lead to loneliness for both of you. Strong emotions can leave both of you physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted and sap your desire for sex and closeness.

Before you start to feel frustrated or angry, have a conversation with your partner: whoever starts to feel strong emotions has permission to call “21”.

Twenty-one is the number of minutes the brain requires to disengage from the fight-flight-freeze response. When someone calls “21”, both of you peacefully walk away and take 21 minutes apart. Take five or six square breaths to slow your heart rate. Don’t stew on the issue at hand and allow your mind to wander and calm. Reconvene. If either of you are still spun up, take another 21 minutes.

Closeness, trust, and intimacy are part of a cyclical pathway that creates stability in your relationship. The more stability in your relationship, the more trust, closeness, and intimacy you will experience.

Erratic expression of feelings can make you or your partner less interested in intimacy, sex, or romantic togetherness. When ADHD has been running loose in a relationship, you have to start somewhere. Sometimes the easiest place is to slow down and rediscover why the two of you originally got together and what you found exciting and attractive.



Tags for this Article

marriage counseling and sex therapy will improve your relationship

Tommy Underhill TTCD, ASDCS, ASDI Sex, Adult ADHD & Adult Autism

Tommy specializes in working with adults with ADHD and autism through a neurophysiological lens for social, relational, and sex issues. He oversees the long-term and strategic management for Littleton Couple’s Counseling. His entrepreneurship and small business management and operations span more than 30 years. Tommy is the Editor-in-Chief of the International Journal of Psychosexual Therapy. In his spare time, he runs a halfway house for wayward and abused orchids.

https://creativecontinuum.biz


Recent blogs by Tommy Underhill TTCD, ASDCS, ASDI

Marriage counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy in Littleton, Lakewood, and Denver 222
Marriage counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy in Littleton, Lakewood, and Denver 221
Marriage counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy in Littleton, Lakewood, and Denver 219
Marriage counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy in Littleton, Lakewood, and Denver 198
Marriage counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy in Littleton, Lakewood, and Denver 197
Marriage counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy in Littleton, Lakewood, and Denver 194

Search the Blog

Popular Sex Therapy Tags


Questions Answered At a Glance

Discover what makes therapy work

What makes sex therapy different from “normal” therapy?

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses specifically on communication, relationships, intimacy, and sex. We often discuss low libido, desire discrepancy, painful intercourse, non-traditional relationships, orgasm difficulties, and sexual preferences.

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that helps people deal with sexual problems and improve their sexual health and well-being. It’s important because we’re all sexual beings, and our mental health can affect our sexual desire and pleasure. Sex therapy can help people talk about uncomfortable things about sex, intimacy, and communication, but it’s important to remember that many sexual health problems could be solved if people talked openly about sex and their experiences.

Are you comfortable talking about ethical non-monagomy (ENM)?

Yes. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a relationship style that focuses on honesty, openness, and mutual agreement when it comes to having multiple romantic or sexual partners. Whether you’re just starting to think about this idea or have been curious for a while, ethical non-monogamy can be a really liberating way to love and connect. But it’s important to know that this lifestyle might not be right for everyone. That’s totally okay. The real question is, does ENM fit with your values and emotional needs?

Can you help with struggles with sex and religion?

You might be confused about why feelings about sex are so tough when you believe “God made us as we are.” This struggle and doubt can make you feel even more ashamed and alone from your partner. You might even wonder if you’re going through religious sexual trauma, even though you were never physically abused in the church. This unwanted religious sexual dysfunction can strain your intimate relationships, and it might make the pain, guilt, and shame you’ve been carrying since you were a kid even worse. We can help.

Are our sexual wants normal?

It can be tough to figure out what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, because everyone’s different. Instead of trying to fit in with what others think is “normal,” it’s more important to listen to your own body and mind. Think about what makes you feel good and what you’ve been wanting lately. Comparing yourself to others or to porn can make you feel bad about yourself, but if you’re struggling with your sexual identity, know that you’re not alone.

My partner and I have mismatched desire. Are we normal?

A common concern is the struggle with low libido or decreased arousal. Many people experience fluctuations in their sexual desire—often due to medical conditions, stress, or other underlying factors. If your current arousal levels differ significantly from the past or from your partner, discussing it with one of our certified psychosexual therapists can help alleviate anxiety and provide guidance on how to address the issue.

How do I know when it’s time to talk to someone about my sexual issues?

If you’ve been looking for info about sex therapy and common sexual concerns, you’ve already taken a huge step towards acknowledging your worries. If your concerns keep you up a night, talking to a sex therapist could give you some clarity and help you find solutions.