ADHD & Autism: Does “no” mean “no” or “not now”?

Let’s address this right up front: this discussion is not about consent in sexual situations. When stated in response to sexual consent, “no” always means “no” with no ambiguity. This holds true for everyone: neurotypical people, folks with ADHD, and people with autism.

In other discussions, such as with a question like, “Do you want to go to the park?”, “no” can have a possibly dual meaning of either “no, not at all” or “no, not now”.

So how does a person with autism discern the meaning? Most people would offer a suggestion of understanding the meaning through context. As a person with autism, I know that I’m not always the best at understanding context. I would offer a more fool-proof method: politely ask for clarification. Hopefully both sides of the conversation will be open to discussion to reach a consensus favorable to all parties involved.

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Tommy Underhill TTCD, ASDCS, ASDI Sex, Adult ADHD & Adult Autism

Tommy specializes in working with adults with ADHD and autism through a neurophysiological lens for social, relational, and sex issues. He oversees the long-term and strategic management for Littleton Couple’s Counseling. His entrepreneurship and small business management and operations span more than 30 years. Tommy is the Editor-in-Chief of the International Journal of Psychosexual Therapy. In his spare time, he runs a halfway house for wayward and abused orchids.

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