ADHD autism relationships communication self-improvement vlogs: Adult Autism: Intention vs impact: Speaking personally of my own autism, when I’m HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) or engaged with my partner in an emotional discussion, I am less likely to manage and mask my autism as well as I would like. Dec-19-2022

Adult Autism: Intention vs impact

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Speaking personally of my own adult autism, when I’m HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) or engaged with my partner in an emotional discussion, I am less likely to manage and mask my adult autism as well as I would like. My go-to skill is logic, and in the order of operations, emotions trump logic. When I fail to communicate with the emotional conversation— regardless of my intentions in utilizing logic to solve a problem— I fail in the conversation.

Intentions are important. Impact is reality.

During a conversation on how actions in the past bring up feelings in the present, your partner verbally tells you they are hungry and tired. To meet this current need, your intention may be to ensure dinner is ready when they walk through the door. If you shift away from your partner in the middle of this emotional conversation to ensure that dinner is on schedule, you may find you have emotionally abandoned your partner in mid-thought. I’m pretty sure this will not go over too well. It may even override the value you placed on having their meal ready at a given time.

Sitting with someone who is feeling and expressing emotions can be difficult for some folks with adult autism or adult ADHD. I’ve experienced this myself. I find that internal contemplation is not always enough to put the skills I learn into use… I actually need to use them.

One way to strengthen these skills is to talk to someone and practice them in a safe environment. Relationship skills are no different from moves in karate or techniques in a video game: without constant use they fade from muscle memory and are not as readily available when needed.



marriage counseling and sex therapy will improve your relationship

Tommy Underhill TTCD, ASDCS, ASDI Sex, Adult ADHD & Adult Autism

Tommy specializes in working with adults with ADHD and autism through a neurophysiological lens for social, relational, and sex issues. He oversees the long-term and strategic management for Littleton Couple’s Counseling. His entrepreneurship and small business management and operations span more than 30 years. Tommy is the Editor-in-Chief of the International Journal of Psychosexual Therapy. In his spare time, he runs a halfway house for wayward and abused orchids.

https://creativecontinuum.biz


Questions Answered At a Glance

Discover what makes therapy work

What makes sex therapy different from “normal” therapy?

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses specifically on communication, relationships, intimacy, and sex. We often discuss low libido, desire discrepancy, painful intercourse, non-traditional relationships, orgasm difficulties, and sexual preferences.

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that helps people deal with sexual problems and improve their sexual health and well-being. It’s important because we’re all sexual beings, and our mental health can affect our sexual desire and pleasure. Sex therapy can help people talk about uncomfortable things about sex, intimacy, and communication, but it’s important to remember that many sexual health problems could be solved if people talked openly about sex and their experiences.

Are you comfortable talking about ethical non-monagomy (ENM)?

Yes. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a relationship style that focuses on honesty, openness, and mutual agreement when it comes to having multiple romantic or sexual partners. Whether you’re just starting to think about this idea or have been curious for a while, ethical non-monogamy can be a really liberating way to love and connect. But it’s important to know that this lifestyle might not be right for everyone. That’s totally okay. The real question is, does ENM fit with your values and emotional needs?

Can you help with struggles with sex and religion?

You might be confused about why feelings about sex are so tough when you believe “God made us as we are.” This struggle and doubt can make you feel even more ashamed and alone from your partner. You might even wonder if you’re going through religious sexual trauma, even though you were never physically abused in the church. This unwanted religious sexual dysfunction can strain your intimate relationships, and it might make the pain, guilt, and shame you’ve been carrying since you were a kid even worse. We can help.

Are our sexual wants normal?

It can be tough to figure out what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, because everyone’s different. Instead of trying to fit in with what others think is “normal,” it’s more important to listen to your own body and mind. Think about what makes you feel good and what you’ve been wanting lately. Comparing yourself to others or to porn can make you feel bad about yourself, but if you’re struggling with your sexual identity, know that you’re not alone.

My partner and I have mismatched desire. Are we normal?

A common concern is the struggle with low libido or decreased arousal. Many people experience fluctuations in their sexual desire—often due to medical conditions, stress, or other underlying factors. If your current arousal levels differ significantly from the past or from your partner, discussing it with one of our certified psychosexual therapists can help alleviate anxiety and provide guidance on how to address the issue.

How do I know when it’s time to talk to someone about my sexual issues?

If you’ve been looking for info about sex therapy and common sexual concerns, you’ve already taken a huge step towards acknowledging your worries. If your concerns keep you up a night, talking to a sex therapist could give you some clarity and help you find solutions.