sex_autism autism sex relationships mindset growth vlogs: Sex & Autism 14: I don’t really want to do it, and I’ll do it with you: Last year, my wife and I found ourselves at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville. Neither of us are country fans. My wife asked me if I wanted to see a concert there. “Not really. I’ll see one with you, though.” On the other hand, our autistic daughter said, “No. I don’t want to do that.” Jun-24-2023

Sex & Autism 14: I don’t really want to do it, and I’ll do it with you

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Last year, my wife and I found ourselves at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville. Neither of us are country fans. My wife asked me if I wanted to see a concert there. “Not really. I’ll see one with you, though.” On the other hand, our autistic daughter said, “No. I don’t want to do that.”

I want to acknowledge there is a great difference between a parent-adult child relationship and a partner relationship. Part of me still wonders if our daughter has enough theory of mind to place herself into someone else’s head to compromise with an activity that’s not on her to-do list.

Here’s where we get to the part that can be difficult for autistics: seeing and valuing your partner’s wants and desires as equals to your own. To address this, let’s talk about theory of mind. Theory of mind is an ability to understand other people have intentions, desires, beliefs, perceptions, and emotions different from one’s own and that such intentions, desires, and so forth affect people’s actions and behaviors. In a nutshell, it’s an ability to think about what someone else might be thinking about and feeling, and that these thoughts and feelings are real to them as yours are to you.

I scored points with my wife when I saw she had a desire to attend the Opry and elevated those desires to where I could gain enjoyment in doing something with her. Closer to home, you can show how much you care about your partner when you help with their chores without being asked or plan a special event that means a great deal to them.

Make time to observe you partner’s desires, requests, and actions. If you’re not sure what’s important, ask for clarification. As you begin to understand your partner’s needs and desires, plan to meet their needs, even if occasionally you don’t get the same satisfaction that they do.

Your ability to elevate your partner’s desires is a strong statement you care and value them.



marriage counseling and sex therapy will improve your relationship

Tommy Underhill TTCD, ASDCS, ASDI Sex, Adult ADHD & Adult Autism

Tommy specializes in working with adults with ADHD and autism through a neurophysiological lens for social, relational, and sex issues. He oversees the long-term and strategic management for Littleton Couple’s Counseling. His entrepreneurship and small business management and operations span more than 30 years. Tommy is the Editor-in-Chief of the International Journal of Psychosexual Therapy. In his spare time, he runs a halfway house for wayward and abused orchids.

https://creativecontinuum.biz


Questions Answered At a Glance

Discover what makes therapy work

What makes sex therapy different from “normal” therapy?

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses specifically on communication, relationships, intimacy, and sex. We often discuss low libido, desire discrepancy, painful intercourse, non-traditional relationships, orgasm difficulties, and sexual preferences.

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that helps people deal with sexual problems and improve their sexual health and well-being. It’s important because we’re all sexual beings, and our mental health can affect our sexual desire and pleasure. Sex therapy can help people talk about uncomfortable things about sex, intimacy, and communication, but it’s important to remember that many sexual health problems could be solved if people talked openly about sex and their experiences.

Are you comfortable talking about ethical non-monagomy (ENM)?

Yes. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a relationship style that focuses on honesty, openness, and mutual agreement when it comes to having multiple romantic or sexual partners. Whether you’re just starting to think about this idea or have been curious for a while, ethical non-monogamy can be a really liberating way to love and connect. But it’s important to know that this lifestyle might not be right for everyone. That’s totally okay. The real question is, does ENM fit with your values and emotional needs?

Can you help with struggles with sex and religion?

You might be confused about why feelings about sex are so tough when you believe “God made us as we are.” This struggle and doubt can make you feel even more ashamed and alone from your partner. You might even wonder if you’re going through religious sexual trauma, even though you were never physically abused in the church. This unwanted religious sexual dysfunction can strain your intimate relationships, and it might make the pain, guilt, and shame you’ve been carrying since you were a kid even worse. We can help.

Are our sexual wants normal?

It can be tough to figure out what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, because everyone’s different. Instead of trying to fit in with what others think is “normal,” it’s more important to listen to your own body and mind. Think about what makes you feel good and what you’ve been wanting lately. Comparing yourself to others or to porn can make you feel bad about yourself, but if you’re struggling with your sexual identity, know that you’re not alone.

My partner and I have mismatched desire. Are we normal?

A common concern is the struggle with low libido or decreased arousal. Many people experience fluctuations in their sexual desire—often due to medical conditions, stress, or other underlying factors. If your current arousal levels differ significantly from the past or from your partner, discussing it with one of our certified psychosexual therapists can help alleviate anxiety and provide guidance on how to address the issue.

How do I know when it’s time to talk to someone about my sexual issues?

If you’ve been looking for info about sex therapy and common sexual concerns, you’ve already taken a huge step towards acknowledging your worries. If your concerns keep you up a night, talking to a sex therapist could give you some clarity and help you find solutions.